Choices and Envy: A Married Person's Perspective on Singles and Childless Individuals

As a married person with kids, it is natural to compare one's lifestyle with that of single, childless individuals. However, it's important to recognize that envy is often a byproduct of unfulfilled desires and selective hindsight.

Comparing My Life to That of a Frequent Traveler

One of my friends has led an incredible life. He spent several decades traveling the world, teaching English in Japan, and maximizing his savings. Every 18 to 24 months, he would embark on a new adventure around the globe, staying away for as long as money would last before returning to visit family and friends in the U.S. After one such trip, we had an afternoon together, and his stories sparked a moment of envy in me. I was a father of four, and scaling the globe for months on end was not an option. Yet, when we returned home and my kids ran to greet him, my friend's demeanor changed. He said, "That’s something I’ll never have."

This comment was a stark reminder that every choice comes with its advantages and disadvantages. The life I chose for my family was fulfilling in its own way, just as the life of a frequent traveler was to him. I didn’t regret my choices; they were the right ones for me at the time. I am grateful for my family and the experiences we have shared.

Understanding Envy in Life Choices

The more I hear married people with kids criticize single, childless individuals for being selfish, the more I realize that they are secretly envious. These criticisms often stem from unfulfilled desires and a selective form of hindsight. When someone is single and childless, they may not understand the sacrifices and responsibilities of parenthood. Conversely, when someone is married and has kids, they may not fully grasp the freedoms and independence that come with being single.

The reality is that no one forced me into my lifestyle. When I chose to marry and have children, I did so intentionally and with full knowledge of what it entails. Similarly, if someone chooses to be single and without kids, they do so without any obligation. Both lifestyles have their own merits and downsides, and it's essential to respect the choices people make.

Respecting Personal Choices and Life Paths

It is absurd to ask why anyone would want to be a married person with kids. The decision to have a family is a personal one, just as the decision to be single is a personal one. People who want kids often have them, and those who don’t may choose not to. There are also those in between who found themselves with children through unintended circumstances. The question itself is irrelevant and shows a lack of understanding and respect.

We should be more empathetic and less judgmental towards others. Each individual's life is a unique journey, shaped by personal choices and experiences. Envy serves no purpose and can only prevent us from appreciating the richness of our own lives.

Ultimately, whether you are married with kids, single, or childless, what truly matters is your joy and fulfillment in life. Avoid the trap of envy and celebrate the choices that make your life unique and meaningful.